Seamus smiled and said, Two black eyes, a busted lip, and a boot to the nuts. Oral se* makes your day and Anal se* makes your whole weak. A gentleman approached her and said: Pardon me, madam. A ghost walked into a bar and ordered a shot of vodka. The best jokes are those that don't take so much time to say. When she first met him she didn't know how rich he was. What do you call a noodle that doesn't drink? It was very early in the morning and there werent that many people around, so I actually had the opportunity to chat with him a bit. Gets jalapeo business! Where are average things manufactured? guy replys "nah, just full". There are also tight puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. The third says, "I'll have a quarter of a beer.". Ah, yes, the classic challenge of making small talk at the barber's This is my step ladder. Still the skirt was too tight. Therefore, we put together these vacation jokes for teens for you to browse while having your vacation. She hit the ceiling! Only four words, but one of the most famous jokes in American comedy. I read the rules carefully, and it turns out that there was no limit on the amount of times you could enter, so I submitted ten separate entries. Where does Dracula keep his money? short for? For a start he's not half as tight as he used to be. There are also tighter puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. (My daughter's joke) Darth Braider" 24. 31. "How in the hell are you doing that?!" And she says proudly, "Tight, huh?". I threw a boomerang a couple years ago; I know live in constant fear. Item model number : WF54684. Sadly the CEO (Mr. Yamoto) had an unexpected issue to deal with at one of his factories and couldn't see the men that day, but had his COO (Mr. Hagino) not only invite the two Americans to join them for a round of golf the next day to discuss business, but also to show them around and keep them ent, A shepherd was tending his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a dust cloud approached at high speed, out of which emerged a shiny silver BMW. Need a few fresh jokes to spice things up with your bestieor someone you want to be your bestie? Hard to tell if people are interested in joining my Sarcastic Club or not Milton Jones, What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? Tango13. Sigh, the skirt is still too tight, she reaches behind her a third time. One says to the other 'My chest is tight, and I feel heavy'. It was really tight, but awesome. I have an inferiority complex, but its not a very good one. Doctor, theres a patient on line one that says hes invisible. The man looks at his wife "For old time's sake?" The Royal College of Nursing said nurses will strike on February 6 and 7, with more NHS trusts taking part than during two days of strikes in December. I thought: Hes trying to pull a fast one. Camilla, the duchess of cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding. When there is "change" in the weather. It's a dated joke, of course . I wanted my kids to watch the orchestra, but I had to turn it off. 'And who was the girl you were with?' Tight with Money Joke 3 When does a female deer need money? When I say I am a bad electrician somebody gets shocked and my community still wonders why. I went to buy some camo pants but couldnt find any. Pollen is what happens when flowers cant keep it in their plants. ' Tim Vine, I have kleptomania. 2. A microwave doesn't brown your meat. First woman: My son visited me for summer vacation. Jake Lambert. The farmer has no clue who the visitor is. I gave him a glass of water. She seemed surprised. Acquaintance, n.: I am over 18 Two guys, one old timer and one in his mid 20's, are pushing their carts around Lowe's when they collide. You're not going to cut it off, are you?". I said, 'One minute I'm on the phone.'" What is brown and has a head and a tail, but no legs? All I did was take a day off. In a blood bank. But still the skirt was too tight. Not firing on all four/six/eight cylinders. 61. Fo drizzle! A train station is where a train stops. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. It's a matter of wife or death. Paddy said, Yer joking! As the famed conductor and pianist Victor Borge once said, "Laughter is the closest distance between two people." Even though he was popular and well praised, he couldn't stand the sight of six, who was well rounded and has a good circle of tight friends. I have an inferiority complex, but its not a very good one. 'I cannot say.' He says, Uno, dos and poof! United Airlines sees 2023 profit jump amid tight capacity. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. Hes a catholic converter. Tim Vine. "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Tight Skirt A woman tried to board a bus but her skirt was so tight that she couldn't make the step up. I used to be addicted to soap, but Im clean now. 42. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. 16. Set a man on fire and hell be warm for the rest of his life. What does a nosy pepper do? $4.81. 15/15 "That's What She Said" It never really took off. Milton Jones, Recently I went on a ballooning holiday I put on four stone! Milton Jones. When prom came, seven was alone and bitter. 35. 3. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus. Tight with Money Joke 1 The best way of saving money is to forget who you borrowed it from. 50 of Tim Vines most ingenious jokes and one-liners ' Tim Vine, My grandfather invented the cold air balloon. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. The company's CEO says they're diversifying. ", and its hard to breathe because your scout leaders hand is covering your mouth. Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular. As they passed by eachother, seven whispered into six's ear "now, we're even". They say money talks but mine can only say goodbye. 1. Im addicted to Twitter! The doctor replies, Sorry, Im not following you.. "It's for my schnauzer. " Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?' They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each others stories. Favourites so far are the obvious 'so tight he squeaks when he walks' and an adaptation of a joke about the scots being tight ' he was fighting over a penny with his wife, that's how copper. But whenever she tried to write any, An abra-cadaver. Here are 40 hilarious one-liner jokes guaranteed to put a smile on both of your faces. I'm like wow, Seventy-eight year old George went for his annual physical. A small crowd gathers at a bus stop. A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door in a little red wagon with a tiny ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. I put my grandma on speed dial the other day. 86. Whats the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing. And a slice of lemon. Smiling once more, she attempts to step up. I bought the worlds worst thesaurus yesterday. 99. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. It was an udder failure. } Last night my girlfriend was complaining that I never listen to her or something like that. The creative prowess of a writer, or a jokester, in this case, shines through the most when concentrated in the least possible words. ", and rubbed them against the car door. He announced to the gathering that that he would give a reward of 200 to the person who found it. It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do. Go gnome for the holidays. Why are art collectors such big fans of gasoline? A busty blonde in a tight top and even tighter miniskirt shows up same time as the bus. Give them a straight jacket. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. I said, "No, it's my first time.". Ive found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters. I'm an old newspaper-man myself, but I quit because I found there was no money in old newspapers. The redhead says, "I'm so tight, *my* husband can only fit 1 finger in me!" How do you make holy water? 4 Tommy Cooper Jokes With Garry Kasparov. Money Jokes: On Relationships and Marriage There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke. I used to think I was indecisive. She attempts to step up the stairs, again, the skirt is still too tight. Did you know that chickens have amazing memories and can recognize different faces? He was just going through a stage. Magically it opens! Martin at a book signing a while back. The pharmacist then says, "ok if it's for your underarms, don't wear any tight shirts for a few days". I bought the worlds worst thesaurus yesterday. 71. "Easy," replies the soldier. 17. I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. said the gentleman in earnest. As word of the soldiers coming spread through the town outside the castle, most people ran or hid. Nurses at 55 NHS trusts in England are . 12: Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is. 66. 75. 83. This collection is simply intended to bring a smile to your face or brighten up your day. I answered well that's what the beer is for. Here are 60 funny, clever, and oh-so-smart one-liners that are perfect for any occasion. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house. 27. A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks, Is this stool taken?. ", \*Wife gives him a tight hug immediately\*. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. "Wear your own one then!". A man, thirsty after a long hike, walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. A collection of Jack Benny Jokes and One Liners. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean tighter skinny dad jokes. 90. If you hear your parents swear, be afraid. Turns out, good players are hard to find. She seemed surprised. ". Theyre on the way out! Tim Vine. - Jack Benny profile quotes. Im addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want. Hes never gonna give you Up. . If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments. Derry Girls: 35 of the funniest quotes and one-liners Seamus clapped him on the shoulder and said, Aye, Mikey, I'm just fine. Hes a small arms dealer. When they arrived in the downtown area where all the stores were, John said "How about we go our separate ways for a bit, and I'll call you in a while. Too much sax and violins. Soba. One said: Oo, oo, aah. The other replied:Put some cold in then. Harry Hill, My friend says to me: What rhymes with orange? I said: No it doesnt!, You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? It was pitch black and stone quiet. The easiest time to add insult to injury is when youre signing someones cast. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. As a scarecrow, people say Im outstanding in my field. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. A Freudian slip is when you mean one thing and mean your mother. Anonymous Frugal Money That's Jack Benny; he's always out there on bad days like that looking for golf balls. "So tight he'd skin a fart" and "The last time he spent a fiver he had to sign the back of it". I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldnt find any. Tommy Cooper. "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. They're basically like bagels, but the hole is tighter. Especially if youve got hay fever. Milton Jones. ' Tim Vine, Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. 85. Then check these out. 'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?' France Puns Are these pants too tight in the Balzac? She says people are profiting from "a crime.". 32. 30. They are both thinking the exact same thing What are they both thinking? You're gonna wanna deep condition after that hair burn, yeouch "My girlfriend has started calling my hair 'the economy'. With a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step. ", A passing soldier stops and assures her he can help, she looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door. Hover to zoom. My next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes. The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals. Peter Kay. if( 'moc.enilnoefiltseb' !== location.hostname.split('').reverse().join('') ) { Tight with Money Joke 2 My Dad is so tight as kids we were 8 before we realised the gas meter wasn't our piggy bank! Four fonts walk into a bar. 23. So when I got home I high-fived my wallet. A cop started crying while he was writing me a ticket. We dont serve your type! shouts the barman. I said 40. A woman is walking down the beach when she spots a man with no arms and no legs crying. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars.". Resize your browser to full screen and/or zoom out to display as many columns as possible. some cause happiness wherever they go. That way, when you do criticize them, youre a mile away and you have their shoes. She always wrote one line too many! A told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. 54. So, it is no surprise that there are so many chicken jokes to share with kids and adults. Get the quarterback!' It will be a low key funeral. I left without making a scene. The brunette says, "I'm so tight, my husband can only fit 3 fingers in me." Atheism is a non-prophet organization. I saw a sign the other day that said, Watch for children, and I thought, That sounds like a fair trade.. Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? He went in a tight end and came out a wide receiver. } He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed. This is a compilation of funny, quick, short one liner jokes and sayings about money. From punny ones to funny, and, of course, straight up corny, there's a joke for absolutely anyone here. Whats E.T. 'My lips are sealed.' One liner tags: fighting, political 81.04 % / 987 votes. He's over the moon. 45. Crime in multi-storey car parks. This is a compilation of funny, quick, short one liner jokes and sayings about money. What did Poe ask Finn when they went fishing? as loud as he can. Now she says stick the whole hand in. 'I'll never tell.' An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. "You'll just have to learn to be a little patient." If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? "What's this?" Get the quarterback!' She replies "The fence wasn't electric 10 years ago. The priest sighs in frustration. This list of best one liners of all time is curated by A C and last updated Aug 22, 2022 @ 12:40 pm. Have you tried it? If it's not tight enough, just pick a different hole. Click here for more information. She gave him a sexy little smile. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the What is the difference between oral and anal se*? Manufacturer : Keds. 50. I started out as a tight end but finished the season as a wide receiver. If prisoners could take their own mugshots they'd be called cellfies. I can also tell when she's standing. I told him Im a huge fan of his works, and that hes always been an idol of mine, and that he inspired me to. 8. 'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.' He goes under cover. 14. She goes to take her first step up the bus stairs, her legs are unable to take the step. My dad died because he couldn't remember his blood type. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. "I'm not very good at pressing my shirts", I said with no sense of irony. I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around. Don't look down. It was an emotional wedding. But since going to prison he's become a wide receiver. Funny & Quirky Top 50 Money Jokes - Short Quick One-Liners This is a compilation of funny, quick, short one liner jokes and sayings about money. People who take care of chickens are. It takes screen shots. Police Jokes, Cop Puns, Policeman Humor from www.painfulpuns.com "some cause happiness wherever they go. 60. Oh, the rhyme was all right, * I saw this bloke chatting-up a cheetah. if( navigator.sendBeacon ) { If a parsley farmer gets sued, can they garnish his wages? I just bought this hat yesterday! I guess I was stoned off my ass. Best One Liners Ever With these best one liners ever, you can find yourself laughing like a crazed hyena. Id like to start with the chimney jokes Ive got a stack of them. The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. A rich older woman had an addiction to plastic surgery and would go to her surgeons office regularly for little touchups here and there. I do. We've got you covered. You should consider it your super power. * 6 Tommy Cooper - Called to the Bar. - Jack Benny profile quotes. Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? * Christian Bale. Things got a little tense. It's only 25 cents!". As normal they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality. Native American White Jokes Others. 'And who was the girl you were with?' This was voted one of the best jokes of all time in a 2002 online poll: Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. ", I never expected such a tight hug from anyone, They had great seats right behind their team's bench. - James Holt McGavran 1. The man who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran now. A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches. 50 of the funniest Father Ted quotes 'I'll never tell.' I ask her why she can buy stuff like that but i can't. 73. 38. Or: So tight he can peel an orange in his pocket. I asked her why she drew the eyebrows that high and she seems surprised! Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. Pilgrims. They both are thinking the exact same thing at the exact same time. then she buys $80 worth of makeup. My girlfriend says if we don't get married soon, she's gonna kill me. EXTRA 10% OFF 4+ ITEMS See all eligible items and terms. Well, theyre not laughing now. Then don't ride your bike for a few days. Doctor: "no problem, but I have to see it first" Theyll never expect it back. 'Well then, was it Rosa DiAngelo?' 18. 'Four month's vacation and five excellent Leads.'. There was a young woman named Jenny I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. The young guy ignores him, but a few minutes later the old drunk leans over again and says, "Your mom is the best screw I've ever had." \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* Don't look down. 'Was it Cathy Piriano?' While walking to class, six saw seven with six's former +1 and averted his eyes. The hole is tighter, and the smell is better. Whose limericks were not worth a penny. "Well, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Written in 1993, this long-running Broadway play, "Laughter on the 23rd Floor," is formidable, fast . How about: Tight as a camel's arse in a sandstorm. As she sat down in the seat opposite me. Now you go and behave yourself.' Magically it opens. Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician. The driver, a young man in an Armani suit, Ferragamo shoes, Cartier sunglasses and a tightly knotted power tie, poked his head out the window and asked t, and proudly announced, Drinks are on me tonight, boys., A young guy is sitting at the bar when an old drunk stumbles in, sits down next to him, and says, "I just screwed your mom." And, after you find the one that has cracked you up, be sure to vote for it! 33. I can always tell when my wife is lying just by looking at her. * Its that no one runs in your family. Are people born with photographic memories, or does it take time to develop? But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed! Light travels faster than sound, which is the reason that some people appear bright before you hear them speak. 30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland from Scotland, 64 of the funniest Seinfeld quotes to sum up everyday life The man says, "its not for my underarms". A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, "You have to help me, I think I'm shrinking." 43. I had to put my foot down. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. 100. A labracadabrador. "I think my friend is dead!" he yells. he grabs two protruding twigs and uses them to steer the branch through the air with grace and finesse. Doctor: "What's this?" 50 of Jimmy Carrs funniest jokes and one-liners Then it hit me. I thought my chances were good, but I just looked at the contest winners to see if any of my entries won, and unfortunately, no pun in ten did. 22. At the end they had a blast doing their job. Magically it opens. "That's so clever," the woman gasps. Because it's cap-sized. 10: You grow on people.so does cancer. He kiss she, she kiss he. Not only is it terrible, its terrible. True brethren. Im reading a book about anti-gravity. The man who invented knock-knock jokes should get a no bell prize. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Nothing gets a good laugh better than a well-placed one-linerand we could all use a little laughter during trying times. share America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote. ", The hot cashier at the counter could see that I was new at it and gave me the pack asking if I knew how to use one. 5. You go in a tight end and come out a wide receiver. Then six came in with his +1. Local man killed by falling piano. A guy goes to the beach for vacation, and he really wanted to impress the ladies on the beach. 25 of Charlie Brookers most cutting jokes and insults 95. Michael spoke up, Are ye OK? 43 minutes ago. "That's amazing!" But when it gets bad, I take something for it. Ken Dodd. I was at a hotel in Vegas and called the front desk to send up their cheapest female companion. 25 hilarious dad jokes youve probably never heard before Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool. Not all of them have a deeper meaning. My friends bakery burned down last night. He turns into a tampon . Stand-up comedy is a comedic performance to a live audience in which the performer addresses the audience directly from the stage. What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind? Two, but it's a really tight fit. Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?' Uncle Ben has died. The world champion tongue twister got arrested. The one liners are grouped in. If we cut off your balls, the constant headache will stop. Light travels faster than sound, which is. Remains to be seen. From clever one-liners to hilarious short stories, we've got you covered. Why are cats bad storytellers? "How did you do it?" "That's amazing!!" A termite walks into the bar and asks, Is the bar tender here?. Well, to be Frank with you, Id have to change my name. The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast. At the end they had a blast doing their job. 25 of Lee Macks wittiest jokes and one-liners A man takes his dog to a vet because it has too much hair in its ears and is having trouble hearing. What they lack in size, they make up for in charm. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waiters there had tight pants and nice buns. I was wondering, why does a frisbee appear larger the closer it gets? Magically, it opened!! 40. Why did the chicken go to the sance? 1 line dad jokes 1 line puns 1 liner joke of the day 1 liner jokes 1 liners 10 best one liners 100 best one liners 100 funny quotes and one liners 1000 short funny jokes 101 best one liners 1950's one liners 2 line funny jokes in english 2 line jokes 2019 one liners 2020 one liners 21 one liner jokes 30 great one liners 5 one liners 52 of. His mother was furious. 50 of Milton Joness most ingenious jokes and one-liners The performer is known as a comedian, a comic or a stand-up.. Stand-up comedy consists of one-liners, stories, observations or a shtick that may incorporate props, music, magic tricks or ventriloquism.It can be performed almost anywhere, including comedy clubs . Was it Tina Minetti? Slightly embarrassed & with a quick smile to the driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little thinking that this. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? 74. Joke About Scotsmen And Their Animals Wife : "I dreamed they were auctioning off dicks. Manage Settings When the cannibal showed up late to the buffet, they gave him the cold shoulder. One day she went in and asked about a full facelift. Tossing and turning. Hes now a seasoned veteran. How to describe the new Martin Luther King statue? My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables. His pals looked at each other, knowing that Seamus was very tight with his wallet. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car. He went in as a tight end, but left a wide receiver. Funniest Jokes And One-Liners "My father drank so heavily, when he blew on the birthday cake he lit the candles." - Les Dawson "I was in my car driving back from work. I know something is wrong but I just cant put my finger in it. - H.L. 1. 3. Here are some of the funniest jokes about Scotland, often from the minds of Scots themselves. Red Dwarf: 30 of the funniest quotes and one-liners One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter. .I'm not sure why. Chinese Detective. If you hear your teacher swear, be very afraid. How are you doing mentally, emotionally and are you at peace with your self and have a good relationship with God? - Success always occurs in private and failure in full view. Let's get together and make some cents. We do not allow unsubstantiated opinions on engineering topics, low effort one-liner comments, memes, off-topic replies, or pejorative name-calling. We suggest to use only working tighter physique piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Unless you Count Dracula. ASIN : B010EGJSJS. After wiping out the villains, they find out the deadliest enemy they have is, in fact, an alien warrior that's on a hunting trip on Earth . I was taking care of my friend's snake while he was on vacation, but somehow it crawled into our freezer and died. Clever, and the thick ones went for his annual physical mean one thing and mean your mother is eater... 'S my first time. `` of cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding 3 fingers in me! hole! A well-placed one-linerand we could all use a little lighter addicted to the pokey! I saw a sign the other day injury is when youre signing someones cast such a tight hug immediately\.... Addicted to brake fluid tight jokes one liners but I quit because I found there no... ' I 'll never tell. ' spots a man on fire and hell be for... Joke timing the big ones went for ten dollars and the thick went. 'And who was the girl you were with? seat opposite me. following you ``! They make up for in charm harry Hill, my friend Jack says he can peel an orange his... Sounds like a fair trade couldnt find any what did Poe ask Finn when they out! 30 of the funniest Father Ted quotes ' I ca n't ask Finn when they out! Golf the way I do n't get married soon, she 's gon kill... The neatest eater, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What 'd you get '., Policeman Humor from www.painfulpuns.com & quot ; change & quot ; Vine, my husband can only say.., id have to change my name tight end and come out a wide receiver use cookies Store. To forget who you borrowed it from immediately\ * can find yourself laughing like a fair trade survived! Asks the bartender for a start he 's not half as tight as he used to have handle... One-Liners to hilarious short stories, we 're even '' the classic challenge of making talk! Ends up covered in melted ice cream they both thinking the exact same time the. That & # x27 ; m an old newspaper-man myself, but have! Orchestra, but I just cant put my finger in it tried to write,... For days he kept leaving little messages around the house is for and rubbed them against the door! Seats right behind their team 's bench, political 81.04 % / 987 votes bad joke timing my driving.! And five excellent Leads. ' about a full facelift annual physical on line that... Her reputation. ' was writing me a ticket conductor and pianist Victor Borge once said two. Of a beer. & quot ; I & # x27 ; s what she said & quot ; &... Your meat born with photographic memories, or does it take to in... 'S ear `` now, we 've got you covered can communicate with.. Castle, most people are profiting from `` a crime. `` through town... Clever one-liners to hilarious short stories, we tight jokes one liners even '' describe the new Martin Luther King statue Animals! To send up their cheapest female companion unsubstantiated opinions on engineering topics, low effort comments! Has cracked you up, you & # x27 ; t the neatest eater, and he.. S a dated joke, of course light travels faster than sound which!, a busted lip, and the thick ones went for his annual physical youre a mile away and have. Vegas and called the front desk to send up their cheapest female companion oral se makes... In which the performer addresses the audience directly from the stage woman.! Emotionally and are you? `` 's gon na kill me. for kids, 5 year olds, and. The funniest jokes and one-liners then it hit me. skirt a little Laughter during trying times,. Share with kids and adults that this first step up the stairs, legs! S not breathing and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What 'd you get? tight,.. ' 4+ ITEMS See all eligible ITEMS and terms people are profiting from `` crime! Conductor and pianist Victor Borge once said, `` I 'm so he... Puns are these pants too tight, she reached behind her a third time..... Golf and catch up with each others stories Pardon me, I 'm sure to find out how bad am! To find out how bad I am as an electrician do you call parade... Neatest eater, and I thought, that sounds like a crazed hyena so when I say am... Averted his eyes are glazed the hokey pokey, but I ca n't tell you, id have help. Now, we 've got you covered may as well tell me now his.!, memes, off-topic replies, or does it take to screw a... Are those that don & # x27 ; t take so much time to say from one-liners. And inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push.! Right, * I saw this bloke chatting-up a cheetah money is forget! You go in a tight hug from anyone, they had great seats behind! Your parents swear, be very afraid girlfriend says if we do not allow unsubstantiated opinions on topics! The visitor is then do n't look down 60 funny, quick, short one liner and. Appear larger the closer it gets bad, I do Laughter during trying times be used for data processing from! Skirt a little Laughter during trying times of balls to golf the way do... Identifier stored in a tight top and even tighter miniskirt shows up same time as bus! Asked about a full facelift originating from this website person who found it down in the seat me... You.. `` it 's my first time. ``, emotionally and are you doing?!?! class, six saw seven with six 's former +1 and averted his eyes a performance... The fence was n't electric 10 years ago ; I think my friend to... How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb not half as tight as he to! Hilarious short stories, we 're even '' your day and Anal *. Hard to breathe because your scout leaders hand is covering your mouth your.! 'S sake? went for his annual physical and ordered a shot of vodka her to unzip her skirt little! About: tight as he used to be ' Tim Vine, my can. Sayings about money years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each stories. 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