I overheard them talking, and my wife said that this guy was a really nice guy. She told them deeply personal stuff about your sex life. It mattered not, the day was mine. I don't know what you should do but I know you shouldn't just roll over and say it's okay. I am pretty much an open book with my partners. Thank you for giving me my laugh for the day haha. Dude, I am so sorry. Its very helpful to be able to be open about everything with our friends, cause it makes our open marriage life so much easier without having to keep it secret and hidden, so Im really sorry that you guys have to keep your bisexuality such a secret. Seems to me that because of her indifference to your feelings, she needs to get rid of those friends because she emasculated you in front of them. You were a running joke in your wife's friend group for two years. I think that you need a good week to try and think about how you feel, how you're going to be able to contain the gossip and how you move forward with the wife . Any words of wisdom for the talk tomorrow? Do not make them feel you're different because you're not! We may discuss, ask for suggestions, etc., but we don't laugh about one of us outing someone (not that we'd care) and trashing their sex life. She outed you. Those homophobes won't care that he's married to a woman. However you don't have to forgive and forget either; life isn't black and white. I am not straight, nor am I gay. Take a few more days. Just remember she was crying because she was caught. You have to try and think past this and think about her and the relationship as a whole. Even if it was a close call, you dont say that. After some begging I agreed to come home tomorrow and talk. How horrible she is, violating you, your sex life, envisioning other people. Possibly she has to talk to the friends and say that she loves her man, and she loves his kinks, and that she was only saying that stuff to gossip. And her dissing your sexual needs to her friends and I truly understand that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your marriage. Second communicate. If you can't let bygones go after that then take the divorce, but be the better person and give your marriage a chance. You took that better than I would have. No true friend will stab you in the back. Worst part is that is HIS past but will blame her for the current situation. You can't keep things like that a secret forever. I'm getting angry just sitting here cause I've personally witnessed this so many times. Just as all good things come to an end, so too do all the bad things. I've been married for 21+ years. Again this is a guess. I think that is a much worse betrayal, to laugh at him behind his back with these people he thinks are friends. I would not have been able to control myself the same way no doubt. She's probably said more and worse in the past two years the women have known. You have every right to your feelings and if the roles were reversed there would still be hurt feelings. I could only imagine how crap you feel right now. I'm sorry. Same. That was 100% a choice on her part. That is a childish excuse, to blame alcohol for being a terrible friend and partner. If she cant trust herself to keep her mouth shut around her friends when drunk, then she shouldnt drink around her friends. She swears she does love our sex life and the things we do and is sorry. Don't go silent on her. Relationship therapy, lots of work, regaining trust. This. Here are some of my favorite quotes (I collect them). 2. Nowadays? She buys all kinds of outfits and toys without me even suggesting it! When the bi thing slipped, she should have told you. The bottom pine is you're supposed to be able to confide in her about these things and she's mishandled your trust. She criticized him and tried to get me to break up with him. I would never be able to sleep with my wife again but OP might be better than me. Me: girls, get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house They all pop right up and walk past me. Its inappropriate her friends would gush over her ex with her (a married woman): I dont want to hear anyone talking up some guy I used to date while Im with someone else. As in, never talk to them again. Right I mean she volunteered stuff when she could have kept her mouth shut. Oh theyre judgmental so I wanted to fit in why do you wanna fit in with these people who dont respect the person you love most? Make sure she knows how traumatic that was for you. Couples counselling may help as well. Seems like part of the issue here is how ashamed you are of your own sexuality. The bigger problem seems to be that she's embarrassed of it, not willing to stick up for it/you, and is willing to lie to her friends to fit into what they want her to be. Winston Churchill She's just shown you that you can't trust her with your sexuality. Many of your friends and family pick up on this anyway. Let that sink in. Don't minimize the situation and don't let anyone gaslight you into thinking you are overreacting or that this isn't divorce-level situation. If after you calm down you still feel like being together, I would even consider moving out. German Husband let Young Boy Fuck his Wife in Threesome 14:30. My step-dad said, "I feel like I always have to watch what I have to say, and I shouldn't have to worry about . Go see a divorce attorney. To her, you're the butt of the joke. If youre ever going to get past this, you should both be in therapy. I would divorce my husband if he let his friends make comments about my sexuality, and then proceeded to say he fantasized about other women during sex. As others have said you've been outed and made fun of for YEARS now and the weight of that should be made apparent to your "wife". I don't know that I could ever trust and be vulnerable with her again. Do not let anybody minimize this either. Especially the part where she acts like its a close call between you and Tom to her girlfriends. Who cares. She did not need to provide more information. If you don't care about your partner enough to defend them when they aren't there, why the fuck are you even with them? Women talk shit to each other just as much as men do. In our response, lies our growth and our freedom. Shes hurt you, she needs to stand by you and say that shes proud of you and supports you, has no doubts, and enjoys it herself. Unfortunately as long as there are homophobic people out there, there is potential to damage his reputation. I agree with the counseling. Not only that, but she didn't admit to him that she had done it when she sobered up. You are joke to your wife she have no respect for you at all. She lied about your sexual taste 3. I could hear what they were saying and I heard one of her friends mention Tom. If, she cannot part with them, I would part with her. They were basically talking about me (no one contacts me anymore, just my wife to commend her on how loyal she is despite having a douchebag loser husband), and I overheard her agreeing with the person on the phone. She stopped criticizing after that. I think you did the right thing in the moment but I would want her to confront her friends if what she said was true and come clean herself to them, Shes bullshitting about not meaning any of it. Get used to me being stupid". From what Ive been told by friends and family my wife and Tom had a hot and cold volatile relationship and he was not the best to her (cheating, controlling). I know that your * secret life * is very personal to you, but not many people will be concerned or even bothered about your sexuality. Then throw in this scenario that she was bisexual and the "boys" called her a "butch lesbian who doesn't really like dick.". That's a lifetime story . We have an exciting and active sex life. I mean i think you can talk it out?? Your wife betrayed your trust by sharing private details about your sexual preferences with other people. I believe you'll deal with this and adapt. Lol, yup its amazing how scared people are to just be themselves. This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. Wife: " (my name) I dunno what your heard but it's not what" Me: " (wifes name) I know exactly what I heard." I turned around and stormed off to our room. Not such perfect marriage after all. The text of the post has been preserved below. Ban the girls from the house. But it does happen and people can surprise you. Wife and I have been married 7 years and its literally the marriage everyone wants. It won't repair the damage that's been done. Created by your wife. If she does in fact really care about you - she will wait. Its one thing for the wife and her friends to be talking about you, but they were talking about you and laughing. So she's been hiding this for a couple years instead of letting him in on all the jokes behind his back. One of my wifes friends was fairly insistent about her divorcing me but honestly it came from a genuine place, its a weird situation and if you cant see how happy we are, I cant blame you for not getting it. I'd also put the missus on a yellow card and ask her to be more honest about the Tom thing; the fact he treated her badly and you're the opposite must be a good factor in staying together. When the "friends" make their snide comments, she should be backing you up, not joining in. Sending you strength. If they outed me and mocked our sex life with their friends, I would never be able to be intimate with them again. The guy was asking her if she'd told me about them being together in the past. Tom hasn't been relevant for seven years. Oh My God, seriously? Nope, don't buy it. She doesnt respect you, man. I am so sorry. Imagine it was a really graphic conversation, about all her body parts or how she is bad at oral sex, and it included discussions of your ex-girlfiend for comparison. You have an issue, address it. Trust is one of those things that simply cannot be regained when broken. If you love her at your core, and want to work through it then work but it doesn't have to happen quickly or on any schedule. The trust cannot be restored and it would be better to separate for now. Yeah. Not buying it. You two will need some couples counselling after this incident, and some of what you will do in the future will be decided by if you can overcome a natural feeling of anger and resentment that you feel. She has taken away your ability to feel safe being vulnerable and honest with her. Also sound out the wives who weren't judgemental and ask their opinions. Hold on tight and never give up! I told her if she kept talking shit about him, I'd stop talking to her. Is going to take a very long time to fix such fuckery. She may end up escalating the situation. Even individual counseling as well, to help you understand your own feelings and what you want to do in this relationship. After a very long silence, she said, "I guess we'll see how it all comes out in the wash anyway." They went to bed soon after. Do those stupid things include degrading your bisexual SO to friends with homophobic views? If a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. Don't fight. We have good jobs that the pandemic didnt effect too much. Take the space you need & honor your feelings. But it's not cool to talk about your spouse like that to fit in and it's definitely not cool to talk about your intimate secrets with other people. 3. We never fight. This is the lesson: never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. also drunk talk often means honest thoughts of a person. Be open with her. We have 2 amazing kids. Same! Yes, I do think you need to talk to her about it - it's not something that's going to go away. For years. Next time she will really consider how the way she's talking to her friends could make you feel. Your ability to feel safe being vulnerable and honest with her come home tomorrow and talk his reputation talk. ; d told me about them being together, i 'd stop talking to her, you say... 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