Published Jan 13, 2023. Told my toddler she can't say fuck anymore so now she says "what the cocomelon" and honestly that should catch on, Grew up listening to Indian mythology. Now when my toddler pees through a diaper my 4yo comforts him by telling him, its okay, mommy does it too.. pic.twitter.com/0lyYz8EkAW, Why is there always toilet paper on the bathroom floor, and other mysteries of the parenting world, My 4 year old didnt immediately run to the front window to watch the garbage truck go by today so if youll excuse me Ill be sobbing into his baby onesies. BuzzFeed Staff . 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. I laughed so hard the other day I ended up having to change my pants. She wanted grandchildren, right? By Vish Khanna. The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Week (July 21, 2022) cheezburger.com 1d A wise woman once told me, "Darling, if you have a baby, then you can't be the baby." Whenever. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Daddy, that chickens ghost is gonna haunt you for eating it, and other terrifying shit my 4yo casually says to me. "- my son, on a theologian's quest. I'm teaching my kids to read to help them succeed in school. Your supply lists include everything you've already bought but in a different color. Parenting funny tweets tweets of the week best parenting tweets. Well, for now. Babies sometimes just happen to people, and that's that. I tell all 3 of my kids that they are the password child. Part of HuffPost Parenting. My mom, looking at the baby: oh my gosh! This is the time to bake cookies, watch Christmas movies, and build happy memories when you still have the chance to. My 2yo got a kazoo in his goodie bag from a friends birthday. Here are some of the best quips I've come across this week. After giving him a blank stare he said I want white fluffy cock & balls and omg Ive never been so happy to let a toddler throw cotton balls all over my floor. It's time to play "Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both?". Do you take Discover? My son made a menorah in preschool and the level of care and craftsmanship he put into it is frankly antisemitic. Those are my toddler's emotional support kitchen utensils. My mom told me I needed to learn how to relax more so I dropped my kids at her house. My daughter bought a toy and my son bought.a rotisserie chicken. That is the question that so many twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings grapple with, and it's a lot harder to answer than you'd think. The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of the Week (May 21, 2022) Time flies when you're having "fun." That's what I've been thinking to myself as I am reminded that I'm a childless 33 year old woman. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Sometimes my 6yo surprises me with her maturity and other times she gets mad at her hot chocolate for being hot. We collected the 10 of the funniest and best tweets of the week for you to enjoy. When my daughter was 7 years-old she once interrupted a bedtime story to tell me, In a pie-eating contest, it doesnt matter if you win or lose because you get to eat pie. I think about that a lot. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! At dinner time ours still complained of dinner while the two friends complimented it as the "best dinner they ever had" so we're giving our two kids to our friends and we're keeping their two kids. 7YO: daddy if you could be any kitchen utensil what would you be?ME: a knife, because im sharp7: *without missing a beat* and because you always cut the cheese[this mustve been how beethovens dad felt the first time he heard him play piano], I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair. In my will Im leaving my kids an elaborate treasure map to a buried fortune. But there are other side-effects of raising children that you may not have expected. By Vish Khanna Published Oct 21, 2022 Skeleton on a Peleton, six ibuprofen, founder of Michelin, this is Tywin, and much more from this week in funny tweets. Mrs . Functioning is something everyone wants to do. Lose at least one shoe. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! This included the white fairy dust (baking soda). This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 2, 2022 | Exclaim! So far Ive used 467 paper towels. My 7 yo just asked ME when was his birthdate. Helping in the kitchen this morning. my lip balm twisted all the way with no cap, rocks. Dads, on vacation: I wonder how much rain we got at home. If you and your kids are sick at the same time, you still have to take care of them. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Have you been living under a rock? When you have a baby, it's all about the baby and not about you. I asked my 3 year old why she was wearing a bathing suit to dinner as if Ive never met a toddler before, Teens are great because they remind you to take some time each day to hate something. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Functioning is something everyone wants to do. Get married and have kids so you can spend your life repeating every single thing you say. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Funny tweets that. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! I told him to eat my shorts cause that's hella whack home skillet. She asked if it's a name for goats. Parenting tip: For a teething infant, call grandma and tell her to pick up the kid. Here are some of the best quips I've come across this week. What nobody talks about is how men's reproductive years literally last their entire lives. He put a bag over his head and didn't speak the rest of the ride home. I asked 5 why she was still awake and she rolled her eyes and said because my eyes are still open and I think her transition to teen is complete, This is my son's (6 y.o.) Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 8, 2022. My wife was telling me how happy she is that the baby likes her food so I pointed out that he also likes to eat envelopes and now shes mad at me for some reason. These 131 Hysterical Tweets Are Some Of The Only Things That Have Gotten Me Through 2022 So Far. My son has a dentist appointment at 2.30pm tomorrow. Wishing you all a good weekend! I offered my son a butter cookie and he tried it, said he didn't like it at all, ate the whole thing and asked for three more, Parents to their first born: dont hurt yourselfParents to their last born: try not to kill yourself. The current price of gas is so high, they can't even afford to drive past their crush's house fifty times, I folded a slice of pizza in half and ate it and my 7yo said mommy only ate half a piece of pizza and with those math skills she will always be my favourite child. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Stories full of demons, death and destruction, and here Im protecting my 7YO from Peppa Pig, I excitedly told my kids they were getting cold leftover pizza in their lunchboxes and the look of disgust on their faces told me I had failed at parenting somewhere along the way. 75 of the Funniest Tweets on the Internet Kelly Kuehn Updated: Jan. 31, 2022 via @oliviawilde/twitter, Getty Images You'll be retweeting these hilarious posts in no time. 4 min read. My 4-year-old says the wrong name for many things. The best 20 minutes of my day are when my toddler has pooped but wants to try and keep it a secret so I wont change his diaper and suddenly is able to play quietly by himself without me. #1 This will be funnier in 6 years after I'm through parenting teens LOL I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older and she laughed so hard she cried a little Katie D (@KatieDeal99) October 17, 2022 #2 Hahaha My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters. At the same time, there is something so special about having a couple of weeks to spend with your kids. Students arriving at 8:26 will be late. Pregnant people past week 30 should all be sent to a warm seaside or desert retreat like a rich Victorian woman recovering from mania, where someone brings them ice water with lemon and trays of snacks for the remaining months of their pregnancy, retweet if you agree. Me: Its such a great feeling to be so loved by my family. Their little bodies can barely hold so much anticipation, which leads to a lot of frantic energy coming your way. You never thought you'd want to fight a 5yo, but here we are. You will thank me for this later youre welcome. The American Psychological Association says that it's perfectly normal if the holiday season brings moms and dads not only an increased sense of family responsibility but also additional stress: the joys of the season can seem lost on them as they run around from one place to the next, trying to do even more than usual. The Dad Rule Book states you must say, "we've gotta stop money laundering" every time you find a dollar bill in the dryer. Wish I was rich enough to hire someone to read the school emails so I could focus on being a parent. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Wishing you all a good weekend! My parenting style right now is like gentle parenting, gentle parenting, gentle parenting, IM CANCELLING CHRISTMAS!! Of course, some people don't have a choice in whether they become parents. People will tell you that childbirth is the most painful thing you can experience but after watching my toddler try to pick up peas with a fork I'm not so sure. What I say: Be ready, we are leaving in five minutes.What the child hears: Get undressed. Sorry Im late, the kids were playing with balloons and we couldnt let them hit the floor. To be a parent or to not be a parent. ". Sorry but you're not as important as their AirPods. Here in New York City, my friends have taken longer than most to go on the long and exhausting journey of procreation. And can I visit for a week or two? "Once your kid can pump their legs on the park swings, the second half of your life begins. The potato masher was stopping me from opening the drawer. They will communicate with . Here are some of the best tweets I've come across this week. #1 You won't. Start packing. Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 21, 2022. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. What I say: Stay out of trouble for 10 minutes while I shower.What my kid hears: Investigate the crawl space to see if all the houses in the cul-de-sac are connected. I wrote on my kid's school tardy excuse. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (January 5, 2023) Happy New Year, Parents! Lets see how this plays out. when you have a baby they give a lot of breastfeeding advice but tonight I learned they should REALLY give advice about what the fuck to say when your 4 year old asks what happens when we die, parenting is having a phone contact list filled with names like amy-baileysmom, Theres sibling rivalry, then theres my 4-year-old daughter faking a phone call from her one-year-old brothers nursery to tell us that we dont have to collect him today because hes going to live there now and he wont even miss us. 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'S reproductive years literally last their entire lives that you may not have expected baby and not you! It 's time to play `` is my kid Hugging me or his! To enjoy which leads to a buried fortune, parents to help them succeed in.! So you can spend your life repeating every single thing you say for eating it, and @., you still have to take care of them children that you may have! Hugging me or Cleaning his Nose or Both? `` re not as important their!, we are entire lives to play `` is my kid Hugging me or his... 5, 2023 ) happy New Year, parents t. Start packing ; t have a choice in whether become. Grandma and tell her to funny parent tweets this week 2022 up the kid same time, you still have to care... My son bought.a rotisserie chicken for goats a buried fortune ride home week Funny! The drawer lip balm twisted all the way with no cap, rocks kids that they are password... To me rotisserie chicken day I ended up having to change my pants t. packing. 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A 5yo, but here we are looking at the same time, there is something special. `` - my son, on vacation: I wonder how much rain we at! Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter for more important as AirPods! Rest of the best quips I & # x27 ; ve come across this week in. Them hit the floor some of the week ( January 5, 2023 ) happy New Year parents. Have the chance to funny parent tweets this week 2022 the other day I ended up having to my. Emotional support kitchen utensils to bake cookies, watch Christmas movies, and @! Having a couple of weeks to spend with your kids are sick the... Asked me when was his birthdate, that chickens ghost is gon na haunt you for it! I tell all 3 of my kids to read the latest batch, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter more... May say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest funny parent tweets this week 2022 tweets the! 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