seinfeld monologues elaine

After having a terrible time attempting to sleep on Jerrys parents sofa bed (and getting her back hurt in the process), Elaine ends up on muscle relaxants at Jerrys dads recommendation. But Elaine's storyline arguably has the best pay off. I'm a little scared of her. I love it but don't think it has anything to do with the real JS. We'll be going in with a lesser JERRY: Well, I'm not going to eat a cake with a hair on it. Aired January 8, 1992. ELAINE: Why couldn't we have just taken the hair off and go? . "Oh, you know Bob? The woman turns out to be Jerrys girlfriend, Jane (The Lost Boys Jami Gertz), whom she identifies immediately by her voice and decides to get back at her in a most epic way by beating her to the Monks restroom and removing every roll of toilet paper she can find. They're going in first with the last Bobka. When, with Georges help, she realizes her boyfriends red leanings, Elaine is mostly fine with it well, except for the way he dresses. ELAINE: Because it's rude, otherwise. Because I can?, Elaine has a lot of boyfriends over the series run, but a favorite of ours is the Communist from season six. George: I just don't like the ideas that every time there is a dinner "Excuse me, there's no animated pirates or bears along the way here. hey, is it cold out? GEORGE: Oh, yeah. In The Mango, Elaine tells Jerry exactly how many of her orgasms she faked with him: 100 percent. JERRY: David! When the gang come up against the Soup Nazi, Elaine is warned not to piss him off, lest they get banned for life from eating his delicious soup. KRAMER: So what I'm going to leave the car running and the heater'll They should have the boxers come into the ring in little cars, drive around a little bit, eventually there's an accident. GEORGE: So you're telling me instead of being happy to see me they're GEORGE: All right we got the wine. Youd have to go back to Buster Keaton to find that physicality in a comedic actor. Seinfeld seinfeld monologues elaine. ELAINE: Okay, fine, we'll just wait until she calls the number. In The Beard, George is pretty pleased with his new toupe, but she absolutely hates it. CLERK: What I this a hundred? Elaine gets stuck on the train on her way to a lesbian wedding, quickly getting into an awkward conversation with a woman that leads her to yell: I hate men, but Im not a lesbian! It gets funnier with an inner monologue as Elaine is pressed up against a load of people, showcasing the best of her internal rage: Why couldnt I take a cab? SOVIET SCUM. By the way, was that bathroom clean enough for you? Instead, Elaine ends up at Jerrys apartment, where she recounts to him and George (Jason Alexander) her record-breaking trek to the airport that was interrupted by a five-car pile-up, resulting in another day spent with her unwanted guest. Is it possible that a head could reject a hair transplant? Seinfeld: The 10 Food Moments That Will Make You Hungry solved. This guy's the best." Can you believe this? How could I be with someone like you? Seconds later, hes begging her to take him back: I take it all back, every word! Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer get into trouble when they all take trips on the subway. This password will be used to sign into all, Whats the Best Way to Watch Randomized Heist Series, 22 Movies We Cant Wait to See at Sundance 2023, An All But Definitive Guide to the Hollywood Nepo-Verse, Why Artificial Intelligence Often Feels Like Magic, Heres Why Everything at Walgreens Is Suddenly Behind Plastic, Why Everything at Walgreens Is Suddenly Behind Plastic, Checking in on Netflixs Original Movies: January 2023 Edition. You remember We all scurry out of the way like worthless peasants. . Now,Newmancould have kept it simple, but he had to crank his performance up a notch, prompting the judge to ask if his over-the-top performance was really necessary. Jerry cringes, tries to moveawaywhile Newmanrambles on about his"great streak of luck," saying, "And then, just as I'm about to go, these boxes show up at the post office with no labels. Ill tell it to you exactly. Lesser Bobka - I think not. We were here ahead of all these people. I've always thought that as well. Elaine driving monologue from Seinfeld Posted by 1 day ago. Thats where the bombastic voice and the self important, Mr. GEORGE: All right, I'll tell you what, why don't you go into the store ELAINE: Your views on race relations are fascinating. I can't change a hundred. This Seasons Highly Specific Breakup Anthems, Ranked. Modeled and motion captured Elaine from Seinfeld on my iPhone. It's so hot in here! Horrified, she asks Puddy: Youre going to wear this all the time?, The gang attempting air travel never goes well, and in The Airport, Jerry and Elaine have to fly home to New York from St. Louis together. Come on let's just go ask them. through the top of the top of the head. Elaine's dating life allowed the show to go in a more serious direction. The four of us can't show up with just one KRAMER: Okay. You really should or something. It's freezing in here. In the season 4 episode The Pick, a supermodel that Jerry is dating loses interest in him after she believes shes seen him picking his nose at a red light while waiting in traffic. in ten minutes. At least she didnt go bald. KRAMER: "well of course I noticed it too with those ample Oh. She coins the term sponge-worthy, to mean a man worthy of using up a sponge, interrogating potential sexual partners on their sponge-worthiness (You gonna do something about your sideburns?) and once again entering a phrase into our lexicon. ELAINE: Hey, what about your vomit streak? Thats too obvious. ELAINE: No, but they got the chocolate. is you want to get some black and some white in each bite. Can you comprehend it? You contribute nothing to society! ELAINE: Sorry? Oh, okay, I'll give you the real medicine. [stand-up:] Jerry: When I was a kid, my favorite ride was the bumper car ride. 0:00 / 2:19 Seinfeld Newman's Bicycle Verdict TheStochasticBrother 2.65K subscribers Subscribe 5.7K Share 808K views 11 years ago Newman applies the Judgment of Solomon to solve a dispute. Its like you gotta ask permission to use the bathroom: is it all right if I use the bathroom now!?. The answer invariably comes back, Cinnamon. Someone's graduating at the bottom of the classes. Still, things end up going awry: When the man next to her in coach falls asleep, she, in a perfect showcase of that infamous Elaine Benes tact, screams HEY! down his ear. JERRY: The fabric of society is very complex George. . taking a number) are you going to wait here? Peace! "Did you lose your luggage? Penthouse forum, newspaper, gum, Clark I'm Sorry, I forgot to bring my toilet-bowl brush with me. of their hair than me. And now, Amiens is asking the Material Girl to lend the tableau back. Former SNL star Julia Louis-Dreyfus (who also went on to lead the Veep cast and join the Marvel movies) earned one of her 11 Emmy Awards for playing Jerrys vivacious and slightly off-kilter ex-girlfriend, who contributed to many of the long-running NBC sitcoms most hilarious moments. Elaine is on her train, and a woman strikes up a casual conversation, who is shocked when Elaine shares that she is on her way to a lesbian wedding. Always ahead of her time, Elaine was talking openly about birth control when it was still a pretty taboo topic on TV. you they aren't getting no twelve dollar cake. Your lawyer should insist on it. Huh, no way wine GEORGE: If you had five chickens could you tell them apart by just the From Georges beached whale story to Kramers thoughts on marriage, Seinfeld has some of the most memorable sitcom monologues of all time. Newman'scourtroom comedy in "TheTicket" isto date one of the finest performance by a recurring character on Seinfeld. Is someone somewhere saying to their friend, "You should see my doctor, he's the worst. "Excuse me, this flight generally goes down quite a bit, doesn't it? KRAMER: George, there's a news stand right over there. Elaine casually responds: It was nothing., Puddys first appearance is in The Fusilli Jerry, when Elaine hilariously describes him as dripping with animal sexuality. This episode also sees him using a move on Elaine that hed been taught by Jerry, leading Elaine to feel betrayed. Big trouble. JERRY: Because I had a bad experience with a hair when I was younger. I mean, who has the energy anymore? Kenny Loggins Is Cutting Loose From Touring, Madonna May Own a French Painting Thought to Have Been Destroyed in WWI. GEORGE: Ill tell you, if I was running for office I would ask for the I think we all would have and I'll wait in the car? We had that Bobka! Kramer and Newman are appalled that Jerry is spending time with Hernandez, due to a past indiscretion during which (they claim) he spat at them. Because if they have individual personalities I don't think we should bad for my spine. Say, speaking of bathrooms, in Seinfelds fifth season, Elaine had an awkward run-in with a woman in the bathroom stall next to her who adamantly and unreasonably refuses to spare a square of toilet paper. No labels, Jerry. She soon finds out that that woman is Jerrys new girlfriend, and gets her own revenge later when they run into one another by hoarding the toilet paper in the bathroom when she needs to go, and repeating the womans words back to her: I dont have a square to spare., As should be plain by now, Elaine has absolutely no grace or tact its what makes her special, relatable, and endlessly watchable but in The Chaperone, shes trying to fill the shoes of Jackie O. by interviewing for a job at Doubleday. And you, my friend, have found your angel. Season 7 opens with the classic Mailman vs. Dog trope when Kramer enlists Newman's help in kidnapping a loud mutt from Elaine's neighborhood. little string. Magoo, legend in his own mind character kind of started. "As a courtesy to the next passenger, please wipe off the counter with your towel." KRAMER: "I know this is going to sound like a crazy fantasy but You wish you had this coat. GEORGE: Did you ever see her lose her temper. Youre just taking up space. Ben Sherlock is a writer, comedian, filmmaker, and all-round great guy. KRAMER: HEY DOUBLE-PARKER. They got the last Bobka. Europeans with the Beaujolais Cinnamon. Elaine loves to make herself laugh. Sign up for THR news straight to your inbox every day. Stop here. Jerry has heard the story countless times, but Elaine has never heard it, so he recounts the tale of the magic loogie in a spot-on parody of JFKs magic bullet scene. Its ridiculous! she cries: This is America! It escalates to a full-blown fight (involving her throwing Georges hat away, out of spite! Do your legs work at all? if we didn't bring wine. You never know when youre gonna need it!. Newman for once evolves into a good samaritan and tells Jerry that Kassem is giving away his remaining soup. RELATED:Seinfeld's 10 Best Movie Parodies, Ranked. They're the best people in the world." The chief bee keeper was this horrible hag of a woman with gnarled teeth and a giant wart that she called a nose. [they are hitting his jacket]. your death of cold. And no numbers for you, youre a word man. However, the actor that played the iconic sitcom role, John O'Hurley, apparently remembers them all. He was always standing along the back and taking it all in. JERRY: Where's the heat in this car? I was little but I could run very fast. ago Yes! THIS IS ANARCHY! ELAINE: Napoleon? What do you need a paperweight for? I loved being at the show because my office was my dressing room. ELAINE: Because it's rude, otherwise. Ever keen to quell her friends paranoia, Elaine chips in: Ive yada yadad sex. It leads to this all-timer of an exchange: ELAINE: I met this lawyer, we had dinner, we had the lobster bisque, we went back to my place, yada yada yada, I never heard from him again.JERRY: But you yada yada-d over the best part!ELAINE: No, I mentioned the bisque. ELAINE: Um, okay, we got the cake now. Let's get another one. The real problem it that you have two guys fighting who have no prior argument. Come on. And the heat my God, the heat!, Before the sponge (see: No. In The Bizarro Jerry, she finally branches out to make new, less uncouth friends but later learns that shes just as bad. When did this Brotherhood of Passengers get started? I don't have to tell you she was a knock GEORGE: Hey, there's a spot right in front of the liquor store. Neil Armstrong should have said, "That's one small thing's useless. What do you want to do? While we are on the subject of best-ofs, when naming Julia Louis-Dreyfus all-time greatest freak out on Seinfeld, my money is on Season 6s The Beard, which was the first show after the series 100th episode celebration. as soon as I get there I'm going to tell everyone what a jerk you are. be coming up to me, "just between you and me I'm really excited about Did they have the guy take a shower, get his soap, rush it in to the hospital by helicopter, keep the soap alive on a soap-support system? I can tell. You'll start a war. The Soup Nazi said that now that his recipes are out, he's not gonna make any more soup. You\'ll receive the next newsletter in your inbox. Every day, it piles up more and more and more, and you gotta get it out. Hedashes into Jerry's apartment to borrow his lip-reader girlfriend for 2hours. ELAINE: It was a little hair. GEORGE: You telling me that wine is better than Pepsi? This is clear in The Susie, when Peterman believes that Susie and Elaine are two different people (theyre not). KRAMER: It's robust, bold, very dry. I never went to my dressing room. GEORGE: Cinnamon? We're all passengers together. . . Don't you hate those things? Im watching greatness. When a freshly toupeed George expresses disgust over his new girlfriends baldness, Elaine becomes infuriated by her friends hypocrisy and teaches him a lesson by pulling the rug off his head, scolding him with a deafening indictment of the fake hair, and tossing it out the window. Many of the biggest Seinfeld fans would struggle to recite the monologues delivered by Elaine's boss, J. Peterman from memory.. David, Im going to hell, she tells Puddy, a religious man, at one point. . What's in it?" Instead of writing in short form, they got a chance to write these long, pensivemonolgouesthatPetermanwould go off on. We're in big trouble. . RELATED:Seinfeld's 10 Most Underrated Episodes, Hecomes close to figuring it out in a few short steps: Well, we can throw out birthdays immediately. ELAINE: Wait until I get my hands on that George. The monologue ends with a great punchline when an incredulous George asks, You did all this for a pinky toe? and Kramer quips, Well, its a valuable appendage.. GEORGE: You know that coat was Gore-Tex. Perhaps Julia Louis-Dreyfus all-time greatest display of physical comedy occurs in the Seinfeld classic The Little Kicks. The Season 8 episodes title refers to Elaines own bizarre style of dancing at a party with her co-worers, which George describes as a full body dry heave set to music. Her embarrassment affects her beyond the office, however, after she uses Jerrys camcorder to record the routine, taping over a bootleg movie that gets sold on the city streets. Things make perfect If this is allowed to go on this is GEORGE: Don't go shouting we got a hundred dollar bill. No more soup, Jerry. uh, I think he broke my toe. It's a wonderful It's almost as if these two guys are just desperate to compete with each other, but they couldn't think of a sport.

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seinfeld monologues elaine